OCTOBER 4

I think it'll be a good idea to blog about what I am experiencing though as I begin it will be very slow as I can only access my Blackberry. Eventually I hope to be able to write better on the computer, which is hard-wired to its table, and I can't easily get to it yet.

This process should help me move into acceptance of what has happened, which is, I think, the worst thing that ever happened to me. I am still very emotional and have even cried out of despair several times, as recently as yesterday.

Last Wednesday I was cutting the grass, using our Sears gas push mower. I was on a flat area, and was going forward then dragging the mower as I passed over some areas twice, the first pass a push, the second, a pull. I tripped over a low large rock and fell backward. Trying to grab balance I pulled the lawnmower over my foot. My sneaker was cut open and all I could do was to scream. Somehow - in shock? I then made it inside to call my wife Terri, who was at work. She then called a neighbor who got here first, to find me alternatively screaming and cursing. Shortly after, Terri arrived, and we set off for the hospital about 8 miles away where I had a 3 hour surgery. My large toe has had its bone reduced to dust. The next toe was broken into 15 pieces. Amputation was a strong possibility. Only time will tell if the surgeon was successful. I will be unable to walk on that foot at all for 6 weeks, which seems impossibly long.

Yes, another few inches and I could have cut it all off.

My spirit is low. One day at a time seems insurmountable, like facing a sheer cliff I can't climb. And if I accidentally put weight on that foot, I fear I could reset the clock and go through this hell again. There are many issues raised which I will address in the next post.

The pain pill I took 20 minutes ago is drifting me into a state from which it is hard to be coherent.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry