OCTOBER 6

A dramatic end to yesterday's piece. Today I am deeper into the Oxycontin Oasis but will try to add more thoughts before they get completely away in the fog.

Today is fact, right about NOW as I write this, is one week mark from my accident.

A common response from caregivers and friends is to excuse this as an accident, which it surely was; still, I can't help but think that there is also some personal responsibility attached - that if only I had been more aware...

No doubt a new chapter has been opened in my life. And I think another has closed.

The new chapter is Become More Aware Of What You Have.

The old closing one is to finally acknowledge that my radio days ARE over. I've been mentally putting it on the sidelines of life, as if I was just temporarily out of the game, biding my time. It defined me, gave me self-worth; now I will have to find that elsewhere, in relationships, deeds, and inside myself. Externals will mean less. The moment will have to mean more.

My relationship with Terri will change, as I have had my eyes opened as to how precious she is to me. I don't think this is just so much reliance on her for so many daily kindnesses as I heal, but a more profound realization of how special she is in so many ways I have lost sight of in the day to day repetition of life.

My foot hurts a lot in bed and when not elevated. I am uncomfortable almost all the time, though the irritation changes with my position. The couch is too soft, or too hot, not padded enough, my butt hurts. Especially in the evenings, the last several hours between pain pills is most uncomfortable and I feel my agitation rise. I get the "jitters" and go from cold to sweatingly hot back to chills in a matter of minutes. Oxycontin, at this dosage level, 10mg every 12 hours, seems very benign in that I am surely not stoned. I do find the Blackberry keyboard much more challenging and typing mistakes climb.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry